Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Atlantic Rim
Posts: 570

Bridge Jumper Cites Handspring Announcement in Suicide Note

From Wire Service Accounts

Death Prompts Widow to Ask "Have Hawkins and Dubinsky Gone Too Far?"

A suicide note left behind by a New Jersey office worker cites Handspring's recent decision to "...build a leadership position in the emerging market for handheld communicators" while conceptually moving away from the traditional organizer market as the "final straw" in his decision to leap from a busy highway overpass to the pavement twenty feet below.

The note, which was recovered by forensics experts, was found on the deceased's Visor Deluxe which miraculously survived both the fall and being struck several times during heavy rush hour traffic.

According to his widow "He just didn't see any future for Handspring in the highly competitive GSM spectrum" She went on to say that "His Visor Deluxe (Ice) changed his life, and he couldn't bear the thought that Handspring would abandon both the PDA line and the Ice color scheme in the same month."

According to New Jersey State Police this is the first incident directly linked to Handspring's recent announcement, though there has been a noticeable rise in PDA-related accidents on the highway.

Tomorrow: Should PDA Use in Automobiles be Banned?

Last edited by Keefer Lucas on 01-24-2002 at 02:57 AM

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 832

Can YOUR Palm do that?

Registered: Aug 2001
Location:
Posts: 383

Registered: Feb 2000
Location:
Posts: 1571

Hilarious

I hope that this is not true cuz its funny!

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Illinois - not Chicago
Posts: 45

Bravo! Very clever - I needed a chuckle to start my day!

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- Don -
"Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

Registered: Jan 2002
Location:
Posts: 8

Can I have his Visor Deluxe?

Registered: Jun 2000
Location: Jackson, Mississippi
Posts: 51

can't believe no cracked screen

I believe all of it except the part about the Visor surviving the fall.

Registered: Mar 2001
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 92

Brilliant Keefer!

Absolutely brilliant. I can't wait for tomorrow's next installment

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My little girl is 3. She can already navigate my VisorPrism and knows where to tap! She has mastered TealPaint (including changing colors, tools, etc.), not to mention several games. In the Avatar, she is playing some tunes on the SoundsGood MP3 player. It's amazing how fast kids can learn if you give them a chance. Now if I could just keep her from making those long distance calls on my VisorPhone...

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: I'm not sure, but I see lots of lights everywhere.
Posts: 1287

ROFLMAO!!!

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My blog: Pocketfactory

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: I'm not sure, but I see lots of lights everywhere.
Posts: 1287

Oh my God! I just found this on Reuters web site!

Handspring announces death of Visor line as stunned street mimes look on:

In what came as a complete surprise to many analysts and stock watchers, Handspring announced today they will be exiting the organizer market while transitioning to communicator based products. The news came as an even greater surprise to a group of local street mimes who often perform in front of the company's Fremont headquarters to entertain passing employees. One spectator described the scene..."They just stood their completely silent. They didn't say a word. But then things turned ugly. First they started painting tear drops running down their faces, and pretended to weep over an invisible grave." The witness then goes on to describe an even more shocking scene:..."At this point they really got out of control. I guess their sadness turned to anger because they took out their Visors and pretended to use them for rectal suppositories. One of them even stuck his stylus down his pants and began dancing wildly, while another mime used his stylus to write MURDER in graffiti on the side of the building. It was horrible!".

Police were dispatched to the scene and immediately "pretended" to fire invisible tear gas at the mimes, who then vacated the scene and are still on the loose. Police warn the public that if you see any mimes in the Fremont area who look suspicious, contact your local law enforcement office immediately. Do not approach them as they are armed with styli.

Wow! Scary stuff!

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Last edited by foo fighter on 01-24-2002 at 10:18 PM

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: I'm not sure, but I see lots of lights everywhere.
Posts: 1287

*double post*

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My blog: Pocketfactory

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 3034

quote:

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Originally posted by foo fighter
[...] Police warn the public that if you see any mimes in the Fremont area who look suspicious, contact your local law enforcement office immediately.

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Registered: Oct 1999
Location: I'm not sure, but I see lots of lights everywhere.
Posts: 1287

quote:

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Originally posted by Toby
Personally, I think that all mimes look suspicious.

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That was part of the joke, Toby!

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My blog: Pocketfactory

Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Them Twin Cities
Posts: 1758

quote:

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Originally posted by Toby
Yeah, but are they 'assault styli'?

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Don't like somebody? Click "Profile" on a post and then click "Ignore "so and so's" posts". Voila!

Registered: Jul 2001
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 366

quote:

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Originally posted by dietrichbohn

Actually, the Pentopia has a metal reset pin that looks like it could be used for other purposes. I had best register it with the federal government.

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Did you just go near a burning hot river of lava or are you just happy to see me?

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Aberdeen, SD
Posts: 2531

Let's not be silly.

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-Joshua
Abortion: Darwinism at its finest.

Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Them Twin Cities
Posts: 1758

quote:

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Originally posted by dick-richardson
Let's not be silly.

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Don't like somebody? Click "Profile" on a post and then click "Ignore "so and so's" posts". Voila!