Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 15

Finally a place to translate Handspring-speak to plain English. Please collaborate and then we'll get a book deal while we wait !

HS: "Your Visor will ship in 2 weeks."
Translation: "I have no clue, but your Visor will ship in....(roll of a die) weeks."

"Orders will be fulfilled in the order they were taken."
"Tell me when to stop.(as pile of orders are being rifled like a deck of cards)

"The online store is being updated."
"We're upgrading to Microsoft FrontPage 2000."

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Mililani, HI, USA
Posts: 256

"Your Visor has already shipped."
"Maybe it did, maybe it didn't, but what's important is that you think it did."

[This message has been edited by ragamuffinn (edited 10-21-1999).]

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Mililani, HI, USA
Posts: 256

I'm having fun with this.

answering machine: "Thank you for calling Handspring. Your call IS important to us. We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls. Please stay on the line until the next available representative."
"Thanks for calling, but we really don't care about your business. We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls, also about which we care nothing about. Please hang on for an hour or two, until the next available representative can hang up on you for a quick laugh."

[This message has been edited by ragamuffinn (edited 10-21-1999).]

[This message has been edited by ragamuffinn (edited 10-21-1999).]

Registered: Sep 1999
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 200

We doubled our phone staff
We have 2 people now

We've started shipping!
The first unit is out!

We use a sophisticated tracking system
...but havn't worked it out yet

Our order system is absolute Y2K failure proof
We don't use computers

We located your order
It was still in the 'IN' tray

We work round the clock
Our staff is from convenience stores

Thank you for calling Handspring. Your call IS important to us. We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls. Please stay on the line until a the next available representative.
eehh idiot - it's lunchtime now - call later

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Mililani, HI, USA
Posts: 256

HipHop,

> Our order system is absolute Y2K failure proof
> We don't use computers

ROTFL!!!!!! How true!!

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Canada
Posts: 23

Your Visor has been shipped
...The question is to whom

Thank-You for calling handspring, how may I help you
...Yeah right

I will transfer you to my supervisor
...He has one more day experience than I have

May I put you on hold while I check your order?
...Have to take a piss

Hold on while I check our database
...hey mike can you hand me that role of toilette paper with 9/14 orders.

Would you prefer our 2m or 8m model.
...2m ships in 2 months 8m ships in 8 months

Sorry to keep you waiting
...If you waited two hours, and thought you were really gonna get an exact answer, get a life, or read visor central, and figure it out for yourself, we bull****!

[This message has been edited by Legacy (edited 10-21-1999).]

[This message has been edited by Legacy (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: North York, Canada
Posts: 50

While we work to update our online store, please call our toll-free number at 888-565-9393 to place an order.

.....We don't have any automated order system, so we just scribble your order on a post-it note.

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Clinton, UT 84015
Posts: 71

Thank you for calling Handspring
...We really wish you hadn't

Your call is important to us
...Please leave your credit card

Please use the 1-888 number for all your questions
...We want to see how long people will wait on hold.

Please use the 1-888 number for all your questions
...We are going to change it, and place the number some place on our web site, then disconnect the line.

We have had overwhelming response
...We aren't sure what the response has been, noone can get through

That will be 259 for your visor deluxe, how would you like to pay for it?
...We want Visas, as then we can charge your card multiple times to play with your mind

What color would you like?
...How long would you like to wait

We said it would ship in October
...We didn't say to how many people

We know you want one
...Where else are you going to get one?

Registered: Sep 1999
Location: Endicott, NY USA
Posts: 60

And let's not forget...

For non-technical support, please call Customer Care at 716-871-6442.

...BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP

[This message has been edited by Wizard22 (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Sep 1999
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 200

Our telephone staff is very motivated
It's the first job they have in years



[This message has been edited by HipHop (edited 10-23-1999).]

Registered: Oct 1999
Location:
Posts: 54

"Thank you for calling Handspring."
When will you people stop calling...?

"Your call IS important to us."
You people are driving us crazy!

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls."
We know we have the coolest thing on the block...

"Please stay on the line until the next available representative."
...we just don't know how to sell the damn thing properly! We're all just standing around here scratching our heads like a bunch of first year business students, while pray to God no one notices how badly we've botched things up.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..."
Take that! you visorcentral geek bastards! Now get a life!



[This message has been edited by zephyr (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Sep 1999
Location: Endicott, NY USA
Posts: 60

And let's not forget...

For non-technical support, please call Customer Care at 716-871-6442.

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posts: 195

First of all, I just want to say that I completely sympathize with the CSR's having to deal with all of us kids wanting our new toys NOW. Handspring was totally unprepared for such an enthusiastic response, so that's both good and bad for them. Anyway, I'm not joining in on the jokes here to vent. I just couldn't resist...

"Hi. I was wondering if you could tell me what the status is on my order - I placed it on the 14th of September."
"Certainly - could you tell me your name and address?"
- We don't have an order for you. I'll enter it in now.

Online orders
-Our highly trained staff takes orders by writing the information down on lines which are on the pieces of paper we give them

We are working around the clock
-We take orders during the day, and then play rounds of Quake III at night. The loser has to take the next call.

Your call has been placed in priority sequence
-This call is high priority to you, or you wouldn't have waited this long. We'll take your call when we get around to it.

Again, I really don't mean any of this. All of the CSR's I've talked to have been very polite, though they sounded a little frazzled.



[This message has been edited by ChrisB (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Sep 1999
Location:
Posts: 38

You will receive a confirmation by e-mail.

... Five minutes after the world ends.

Your order will be shipped UPS ground.

... And forget about receiving a tracking number.

[This message has been edited by JT (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Oct 1999
Location:
Posts: 22

You know, my credit card has been overcharged with $653.

Oh, sorry sir, let's see what I can do...
"so you believed that we were selling this PDA for only $249. SUCKER!!"

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Rochester, NY, USA
Posts: 61

"Yes I'd like to check the status of my order."

-WHERE THE HELL IS MY VISOR?

-DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY ORDER?

-CAN YOU TELL ME ANYHTING I DON'T KNOW ALREADY?

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Canada
Posts: 23

CSR: Hi can I take yor order?
Cust: Yes I want a graphite visor Dlx
CSR: Would you like fries with that?
Cust: WHAT?
CSR: Oh sorry sir forgot to switch the headset to drive thru line.

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Canada
Posts: 23

Cust: I am dissapointed that I havn't got my visor yet like so many other people.
CSR: I understand your concern sir but next week we will be shipping more orders.
...Hey gang lets post more messages on Visorcentral pretending we got our orders this way we might shut them up for a while, while they wait for UPS on their door step.

[This message has been edited by Legacy (edited 10-22-1999).]

Registered: Oct 1999
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 67

"We have been overwhelmed with orders"

-We are shipping everyone two Visors so it looks like we are doing more business then we actually are!

Registered: Sep 1999
Location: LA, Boston, MO. its different every 6 months
Posts: 56

Customer: Hello, I would like to cancel my order.
CSR: Certainly, can I just get your name and address?
...And how much would you like in fines and overdraft fees on your debit card?