VisorCentral.com - Witness my downfall

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Posted by thorin on 05-15-2002 08:13 AM:

Witness my downfall

In gleaming dayglow technicolor.

With a tripple summersault on the way down.

sit back and relax as I mess up all my plans. with a mere flick of the wrist. Or rather, by simply not going to bed. And far more precisely, by not waking up for school.

Not doing my homework is merely the powdered sugar on the luscious creme filled doughnut of my missapropriated time.

mmmm. doughnuts.

but, i digress.

I don't het anything done, because I keep telling myself "if I start a project now, Ill never get to bed." In the end, of course, i only end up playing video games or surfing untill a ridiculous hour at night anyways. Everything seems like an excuse not to do homework. Any stupid excuse is enough for me to put off anything productive; Other people being home, working on a new desk, buying socks.

Text seems insufficient to express the frustartions I have with myself over this.

nevertheless, here goes.

AHHJWHGFHJWGFGHFWJGHFHJDGFSFAGHAGFAFAFDADARQRWEFDFBGSBDSBBCSCSDDDDDDDDDDDDDdddddddffffffffffffssshhh
hd.

That sounded even wierder out loud.

I tried getting myself banned from all the forums that eat up my time, uninstalled my video games, everything. I just keep finding stupider ways to waste my time.

Did you know that Including this little outburst, that over the past couple of days I have written almost a page of crap about I am screwing up my life, and that had I only written half of that on the subject of spectroscopy, I would actually have a completed lab report?

Its true!. check the facts; the facts check out!

Oh god. this is so long. Maybe if I didn't HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH. i would do better. I hate school. I hate work. I hate everything except playing Tac-Ops, and I suck at that.

In conclusion:

"WHEEEE! into the abyss!"

__________________
-thorin

I have a webcomic. You should read it, or I may do something rash. <b><a href=http://driveby.keenspace.com/>Drive-by Loitering</a></b> is updated every monday, wednesday and friday.

<!img src=http://www.frontfly.com/myrouter/vcsig2.gif alt="Soundsgood is too elite for the punks."><img src=http://www.frontfly.com/vcsig.gif ><!img src=http://www.frontfly.com/myrouter/vcsig2.gif alt="Soundsgood is too elite for the punks.">

Posted by PDAENVY on 05-15-2002 02:11 PM:

Ouch!

If you don't mind my asking, how old are you?

This is a real suggestion, not a wise-as* remark: have you considered being evaluated for depression?

__________________
Jeff

Posted by thorin on 05-15-2002 02:25 PM:

tengo 20 a�os.

at least i got up at 6am today(5 hours of sleep, which is fair enough, because i slept for 13+ hours for the last couple of nights), which means I will go to my courses for the first time in 2 days, and not get kicked out. horray.

im not depressed. and if i am, its over my lack of willpower and excessive laziness.

Posted by Madkins007 on 05-15-2002 03:49 PM:

Thorin- forgive me, but you do sound like you maybe need a bit of help at this point. A lot of people in your situation do. Lots of stress, lots of things to think about, lots of deadlines- real and imagined.

I know how it is to hate school and try to mess yourself up about it. I also know that, in the scheme of things, grades and school are not that important for most of us- your work history means more in the long run (unless you have plans for college and post-grad stuff).

But, these bad habits have a way of following you to work and in other areas of your life. If school s***s, work probably will as well.

If your school offers counseling, get some. Sometimes just talking to someone who knows what they are talking about will help!

__________________
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are at!

Posted by septimus on 05-15-2002 03:50 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by thorin
im not depressed. and if i am, its over my lack of willpower and excessive laziness.

That's what I said when I had the same type of symptoms this year. then I lost my job. and may fail a class or two.

You may be lazy, but it seems like you just aren't able to work up the energy to care. Depression don't necessarily mean sadness, it often also means "whateverness" Check into it.

__________________
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Posted by dick-richardson on 05-15-2002 05:12 PM:

BTW, that was a great post, Thorin. It was a self-contained marvel. Well met.

Once again, mental dysfunction leads to great art.

__________________
-Joshua
Abortion: Darwinism at its finest.

Posted by septimus on 05-15-2002 05:47 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by dick-richardson
Once again, mental dysfunction leads to great art.

...which explains the ramble quite well.

__________________
Don't like somebody? Click "Profile" on a post and then click "Ignore "so and so's" posts". Voila!

Posted by Jupe on 05-15-2002 07:06 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by septimus

Depression don't necessarily mean sadness, it often also means "whateverness" Check into it.

Yes! You may suffer from clinical depression without actually feeling depressed (in the typical sense of the word).

__________________
Mike
I'd rather be upside down in my kayak than rightside up at my desk.

Posted by EricG on 05-15-2002 07:10 PM:

I used to be like you thorin when I was in school, it's really hard to get motivated to do something you just soooooo don't care at all about..

But I have found over the years its just better to get it over and done with.. they have a nice word for folks like us, procrastinators..

It's always getting started on that term paper or homework assignment that is the worst, once you do get going, I then found I was sufficiently motivated to get it done with and out of my hair... (that has its own rewards)..

You have already started to realize this (from what I can see in your posts).. maybe on a sub conscious level anyway (i.e. getting yourself banned, etc..)

You will eventually find your way....

__________________
"One of the most important things you learn from the internet is that there is no �them� out there. It�s just an awful lot of �us�." -- Douglas Adams

Posted by PDAENVY on 05-15-2002 07:44 PM:

septimus and jupe - Thank you both for explaining my point. Not caring about or enjoying stuff you used to, too much or too little sleep, changes in weight, reduction in intrest in sex, drop in performance at school or work - any of these could point to medical depression without feeling "blue" or "depressed".

Seriously, get yourself checked out by a professional that specializes in diagnosing depression. The worst thing about it is that the "who cares" or "whatever" gets in the way of getting help.

If it is depression, don't keep it to yourself. Tell people who care about you so they can help you want to get help.

Believe me, you don't have to stay in bed all day, or fail out of school, or lose a job, or lose a relationship to be depressed. It's in degrees. Mild depression mostly makes it hard to do anything or care that much. Drugs help, even mild depression.

__________________
Jeff

Posted by thorin on 05-15-2002 10:24 PM:

quote:
Originally posted by PDAENVY
intrest in sex

well those frustrations are a whole other, much less fun to read rant.

quote:
Originally posted by PDAENVY
drop in performance at school or work

Its always been like this though. elementry and highschool were just easy enought to coast through without trying.

quote:
Originally posted by Septimus

You may be lazy, but it seems like you just aren't able to work up the energy to care. Depression don't necessarily mean sadness, it often also means "whateverness" Check into it..

[/B][/QUOTE]

that is interesting.

quote:
orginally posed with dick-richardson
BTW, that was a great post, Thorin. It was a self-contained marvel. Well met.

thank you. I was wondering if it was a bit pretentious, but i guess the doughnut analogy balenced it out. and sarcastic commercial references such as "dayglow technicolor" are nicely modern/deconstructionist/arty. If i could have worked in a term like "only x shopping days left 'till", that would have been a nice touch.

Posted by dick-richardson on 05-17-2002 02:55 AM:

quote:
Originally posted by septimus
...which explains the ramble quite well.

I believe so, yes.

quote:
thorin
thank you. I was wondering if it was a bit pretentious, but i guess the doughnut analogy balenced it out. and sarcastic commercial references such as "dayglow technicolor" are nicely modern/deconstructionist/arty. If i could have worked in a term like "only x shopping days left 'till", that would have been a nice touch.

Agreed, though I think the 'shopping days' comment would have been overkill - which is an art form in and of itself. As is, it is gorgeous.

I have to say, I don't know if I read depression into it. AD(H)D maybe. More likely would be the exuberance of life at 20 contrasted with the stark b.s. one is beginning to get thrust into at the same age. I'm finally recovering myself.

Regardless - just say no to drugs. Psychiatrists are the worst when it comes to coercing drug use through a finely balanced mix of authority and peer pressure. Should it prove to be depression, drugs play an ancillary role at most, and may not be healthier (just like a plant that is forced to grow quickly may not necessarily be healthier than one that grows at a more natural pace). I must say, myriads of lives changed for the better notwithstanding, psychiatry as a scientific discipline does not impress me. If my arm hurts, a group of physicians asked in series should (and usually do) agree before remedy is attempted. Psychiatrists usually come to agreement only in cases of schizophrenia, multiple personalities, and Tourette's Syndrome. When it comes to anything from sex to quality of life, psychiatrists more closely resemble philosophers than scientists.

__________________
-Joshua
Abortion: Darwinism at its finest.

Posted by terrysalmi on 05-17-2002 03:24 AM:

Re: Witness my downfall

quote:
Originally posted by thorin

sit back and relax as I mess up all my plans. with a mere flick of the wrist. Or rather, by simply not going to bed. And far more precisely, by not waking up for school.

Not doing my homework is merely the powdered sugar on the luscious creme filled doughnut of my missapropriated time.

mmmm. doughnuts.

but, i digress.

I don't het anything done, because I keep telling myself "if I start a project now, Ill never get to bed." In the end, of course, i only end up playing video games or surfing untill a ridiculous hour at night anyways. Everything seems like an excuse not to do homework. Any stupid excuse is enough for me to put off anything productive; Other people being home, working on a new desk, buying socks.

Sounds like me, LAST WEEK! Sorry, but I just have to brag today was my last day of high school! Heck Yeah! Oh wait, now I have college. Damn.

quote:

I tried getting myself banned from all the forums that eat up my time, uninstalled my video games, everything. I just keep finding stupider ways to waste my time.

I didn't go thru such drastic measures, but perhaps I should have...maybe then I could do good in class rank. Oh wait, never mind. My school is so full of over-achievers we have 1 person that got a 1600 on the SAT, another person who almost has college sophomore standing just through AP tests (half of which are classes the school doesn't even teach...), 8 Valedictorians (luckily limited to 30second speeches), and overall, you could have a solid 'B' average and be in the bottom half of my class. Sometimes I hate that my school is so damn smart...

quote:

Did you know that Including this little outburst, that over the past couple of days I have written almost a page of crap about I am screwing up my life, and that had I only written half of that on the subject of spectroscopy, I would actually have a completed lab report?

You can always try to find this on the internet...just remember, if you download your paper, remember to get rid of IE's header/footer, and to replace where it says "your name here" (there are people that actually have turned essays in like that at my school...)

quote:
Oh god. this is so long. Maybe if I didn't HATE SCHOOL SO MUCH. i would do better. I hate school. I hate work. I hate everything except playing Tac-Ops, and I suck at that.

In conclusion:

"WHEEEE! into the abyss!"

Preach it brother!

__________________

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