NateS
Member
Registered: Jun 2002
Location: OH
Posts: 7 |
 My view . . .
quote:
Originally posted by aarons12
ok, someone brought this thread to my attention, so here's my two cents.
if one thought that there was TMI in this thread, he could have just read a different thread.
however, a comment about TMI is hardly a 'personal attack', just a misplaced observation.
will mountain and molehill please return to your respective corners of the ring. this is how wars start...
(and by the way, for anybody who doesn't like cute puppy pictures and pithy sayings in posts, a hearty raspberry! now if we could only get countries to settle their disputes that way.)
With all due respect to my good friend aaron, I respectfully disagree, at least in part. I think spirited debate is how wars are prevented, not started.
I�m going to assume that this is a legitimate �off-topic� area. If not, we are all in trouble! 
When James first included in his article a remark about going through a divorce, I too felt a bit uncomfortable about it, until I began to think about it in the context of my own area of work. For forty years, I have been dealing with men and women going through divorce and dealing with the aftermath of it. My observation is that while both men and women suffer great emotional pain during and after a divorce, they are treated entirely the opposite by their peers.
Women gain status during divorce; men lose it. This is because of the totally contradictory way the subject is treated by their respective same-gender peers.
While women go through great pain during and in the aftermath of divorce, their peers, both friends and total strangers, even in a totally business setting, receive news of the event as just another life�s passage or event - like an engagement, a wedding, a birth, a death. The divorcing woman is pampered by her female friends with sympathy, advice and even special recognition: �Ladies, I�d like you to meet Maude. She�s going through a divorce from her husband right now.� All this special attention helps the woman maintain a psychic compass and middle ear balance as she weathers the storm.
A man�s peers, on the other hand, seemingly go out of their way to avoid discussing the topic, and to make the man feel uncomfortable in even bringing the topic up, because they themselves feel uncomfortable dealing with their friend�s plight and pain. Aside from a few crude remarks about compensating for loss of sex, men both friends and strangers, generally refuse to acknowledge or deal with the plight and pain of the divorcing man they come in contact with. This deprives the man of the acceptance and support he should be receiving, just as his female counterpart does.
If the author of this article had been a woman, and had commented that going through a divorce had delayed recent column deadlines, no one would have thought negatively about it. In fact, she would have been likely to have received understanding and encouraging responses from female readers. But, because the author was a man mentioning his divorce, male readers are uncomfortable and even go so far to suggest it was �too much information.�
The person attaching this label probably meant no harm, in the sense that he was remaining consistent with typical male attitudes towards their fellow men, but overlooked the fact that the author wasn�t seeking sympathy, but just acknowledgment of the validity of his present life status, and acceptance of the effect it was having on his business performance.
It did seem particularly ironic, coming from someone who openly and aggressively promotes succor for his own legitimate area of interest in relieving suffering, since I would hope he would accept that psychic pain and suffering is as entitled to legitimacy as the physical kind, and no one has the right to make comparative measurements of pain and suffering. But I accept that he meant no harm, and was just expressing the almost universal yet unfortunate male attitude on this subject.
Regards,
NateS
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2002: a Year of Transition
12-24-2002 12:09 AM
You're right about one thing, we're all entitled to our opinions. I happen to think his situation was a little too personal to be posted here. Maybe I'm the only one. I think you and I can cool it at this point, as you are entitled to your opinion as much as I am mine. This is of course, why I posted my comment. Other's opinions are great, and I'm sure we'll get more opinions, but you and I don't need to argue.
Re: pots & black kettles
NateS' post
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